I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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