This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
