We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
