forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
