my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
