I wanna bring you to show and tell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
