i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
