the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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