his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
