i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
