Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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