So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
