At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
