Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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