If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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