somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
