I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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