You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
