all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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