I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
