I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
