You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
