Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
