Christians are straight up FREAKS
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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