you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
