How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
