this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
