I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
