hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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