They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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