I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
