Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
