I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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