I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
