My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
