youre lurking in front of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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