a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
