I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
