oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
