she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
