who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
