Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
