I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
