I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
