I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
