when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
