I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
