on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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