I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My feet surprised me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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