I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
