She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
