Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
