okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
