I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
