hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize