If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
