dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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