He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
