My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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