if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
