You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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