Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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