True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
