it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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