when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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