I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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