Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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