Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
