hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
