My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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